Local Sword and Quill Club to Replace Provo City Police Dept.
Jan 10th, 2009 | By admin | Category: Featured StoryProvo City Police Chief Craig Geslison announced yesterday morning that the local Sword and Quill Club, known for its highly controversial and sometimes questionable crowd control tactics, will permanently replace the Provo City Police Department, due in part to massive Provo City budget cuts.
In a statement by the city released last week, the Sword and Quill Club has been in training for more than 700 years, and Geslison believes they are “more than capable” for the task.
“We feel very good about the move,” said city councilwoman Cathy Anderson. “In fact, we’ve wanted to do this for
Kyle Smith, a member of the Sword and Quill Club, plays the flute.
years, but thanks to the budget cuts, we can make this a reality.”
The local club can be seen practicing on BYU campus on Saturday mornings in front of the Wilkinson Center.
Instead of carrying Berretas, batons, and body armor – standard for most Police Offers- the club will use finely crafted wooden swords made of low grade quality plywood, and daggers made of scotch tape and old 4×4’s.
“We will defend Scotland at all costs, even if that means giving up my life,” said Eddy Parsons, a local Sword and Quill club member. “We all do it for the honor of the Queen.”
Parsons, dressed in the traditional Sword and Quill Club garb – consisting of towels, old scarves, bits of old leather and vinyl – has been a member of the club for over 2 years. Parsons is one of over 15 dedicated members of the club, and is assistant manager at the Hogi Yogi closest to his home on 9th Ave.
“We are skilled in all aspects of the sword, bow, dagger and all traditional dances,” said Parsons. “I’m fluent in Elvish and Klingon. So, yeah, I guess you could say we’re ready.”
Police officials have suffered major budget cuts in the past few months, and this is the first move in a long list of significant changes to the PPD. Other changes will include:
1. Replacing police vehicles with rugged-style mountain unicycles
2. Eliminating the local Juvenile Hall and sending the current residents to Utah Valley University
3. Replacing all current Police Station staff with residents of the Utah State Mental Hospital (which city officials commented would be an “improvement.”)
4. Transforming the Utah County Justice Court into the “Utah County Justice Court Discoteca and Bar.”
More information can be found on the utah.gov website.
ahhhhahahahahah….this is so funny.
I think this article is actually confusing the old historical fencing group with the role playing quill and sword group.
the latter would be funny, the first would be like saying the Jujitsu club. Actually, regardless its funny considering the economics of our times, any club replacing the police would be hilarious.
Anyway, it would have been more clever if it were more accurate.
the old historical fencing group are the one’s that practice outside the wilk