Provo Mayor Lewis Billings Nominates Himself “King of Utah”
Apr 7th, 2009 | By Harold | Category: Featured Story, Local, The NationProvo City Mayor, Lewis K. Billings, released a statement early this morning nominating himself “King of Utah”. The nomination came as a surprise to the Utah legislature, which was completely dissolved upon Billings nomination.
In rolls of parchment thrown to citizens from a stagecoach, His High Majesty Billings of the Great Country of Utah, stated that all branches of the legislature have immediately been dissolved, the Provo Library is to be his new home, and that all citizens will know be referred to as “Minnions.”
“It has hereby been decreed, ye minnions of Utah, that His High Majesty Billings of the Great Country of Utah from henceforth and forever will be the High Ruler of the great country of Utah,” read the parchment. “His High Majesty orders all Utah minnions to begin construction of the solid gold castle which will rest on top of B Mountain (formerly known as Y Mountain.)”
Citizens of the state are pleased with the nomination.
“It’s about time for a change,” said Kyle Holt, a local Spanish Fork resident. “I was getting tired and annoyed with the 3 branch crap – with one person making all the decisions, things will be much better around here.”
Upon Billings self-nomination, Utah separated from the United States becoming its own country.
“The Great Country of Utah will expand its boundaries to the very corners of the earth,” said the parchment. “Any who oppose His High and Mighty Majesty Billings will be sent into outer space.”
Minnions of the great country of Utah can read more about the new laws and precedents on the various posters nailed on the sides of the buildings still left standing from the Great Cleansing and Ransacking.
