Provo City Mayor, Lewis K. Billings, released a statement early this morning nominating himself “King of Utah”. The nomination came as a surprise to the Utah legislature, which was completely dissolved upon Billings nomination.

March 14: A bag of crisping pins was found in the Library by University police. They will be placed in the University Furnace.
March 16: A woman was seen making her way to the Brimhall building. She was reported having wanton eyes and produced a fair amount of wincing. Police are investigating the matter.
March 18: Police [...]
The Brigham Young University Astronomy Club embarked on its first annual bike ride to the moon yesterday after an extensive 2 hour planning session the night before.